Buying a hat IS rocket science

I bought a hat today, not that you'll hear about it on CNN, but to me it's a big deal.

You see, I'd been thinking about buying a hat for the longest time but never got around to doing it. Not that I wanted one to hide my balding head, but just to keep the sun from burning the skin that is on TOP of my balding head -- where hair USED to be.

Anyways, I'd never gotten around to buying one because buying a hat is a personal decision not to be made lightly. A hat can tell you a lot about the person underneath it, and I wasn't sure what message I wanted to send to all those people who would be judging me by my hat.

If you wear a beret, the message clearly is "I am an artiste who speaks with a slightly foreign accent. I am better than you. Do you mind if I smoke? Doesn't matter, I will do it anyway!"

Nope, not for me.

A cowboy hat lets people know that "I've got cow crap on my boots 'cause I work harder than you and drive a truck with a rifle hanging from the rear window, so don't mess with me before I have my breakfast beer. You want one?"

Sounds intriguing, but I guess not.

A baseball cap says, "I'm just one of the guys who follows the crowd. I'd rather not stand out too much, but if you get between me and the baseball game I'm watching, one of us is heading to the dugout due to injuries -- and it won't be me."

Okay, not everyone who wears a baseball cap likes baseball, but it's possible.

An English driving hat tells others that, "I'm getting old and I'm too mature to wear a beret, cowboy hat or baseball cap. I have hats in tweed, khaki and leather, and if you abscond with one, I'll let loose the dogs on your arse."

I thought that maybe the English driving hat was the one for me, but it's typical of people my age, and I refuse to send the message that I'm 1) typical, and 2) of that age.

Like I said before, I finally bought a hat. I have no idea what message it sends to other people, but now my wife thinks I look like Sean Connery.

I can live with that!