My day in San Clemente, California

"Please tell me I'm not the only one who's swing lock has ever locked by itself," I asked the hotel's maintenance guy as I stood outside my locked door.

"Nah," he said. "When the Brazilian surfers were here last week, their doors constantly locked because they were in such a big hurry to get to the waves."

"OK. I feel better now. I guess I'll slow down a bit."

I thanked him. He walked off. I had my hotel room back.

It all started when I went to the local UPS store to mail some things home, things that were just causing me consternation (tripod, bivy sack, ukulele).

That's where I met UPS gurus Ty and Glenn.

Glenn was probably my age. He had great hair and a flat nose.

Glenn got out his measuring tape, measured everything, agonized over what box to put it in, measured it again, thought about it, then walked away.

He just walked away.

Ty was a younger guy. He asked if I'd been helped. I said Glenn was, but now he's gone.

(I don't think I was stinky, but you never know.)

Ty finished everything up, Glenn came back up front to help someone else, and I just hope my package doesn't end up in Peru or maybe Oslo.

After that, I went looking for the nearest Walmart for GoPro replacement parts and fresh fruit.

(My eating habits are not quite stellar and I thought the fruit would do me good.)

Found Walmart, found the electronics section (no GoPro] and was horrified at the store's pitiful example of a produce section.

Don't these San Clementonians eat clementines?

"Well, this isn't one of those Walmart superstores," an associate told me. "Try Target."

Well, that's just super.

I did buy a banana and two avocados before leaving. At least they had that.

So I headed over to Target.

THEY had a full produce section. I bought a packaged Cranberry Almond Chicken Salad sandwich and a Naked Green Machine smoothie.

They had a GoPro display, but not what I was looking for.

And I found a hat -- to replace the one I lost.

How did I lose it?

Don't ask me.

It must've just flown out of my pocket while my head was turned, thinking it'd had enough of this galavanting about and would just take the next bus to Texas, with or without me.

Anyways, I got back to the hotel to do my laundry, and the swing lock was bolted.

But it's open now, my laundry is done, I've taken a shower and eaten my expensive sandwich and drink, I might have a banana for desert -- or maybe the avocados -- and everything's hunky dory.

Goodnight.