Sad song

I never write "bloggy" posts where I delve into inner feelings, as if someone really cares.

It feels too much like a "reality TV show" where the audience is dying to watch someone crash and burn, and then talk about it for the next week until the next episode.

"Can you believe that...."

"I had no idea that...."

"Well, I think she should...."

"What a bunch of....."

So I don't write seriously about myself.

Ever.

Much better to write a funny story, post a photo, present a poem, or not write at all.

Except for today.

I've got a problem.

I crave new challenges.

Sometimes they're creative endeavors.

Sometimes they're job ideas that could put me on a path to a better me.

I hyper-focus on them, researching the "who, what, when and where" of them.

I get excited about them, hardly talk about anything else, get friends and family onboard.

Make plans.

Sometimes I even spend money trying to make these new things happen.

But then, something else comes along to beguile me.

I usually end up disappointing everybody, (but not myself, because I'm into this new and exciting thing), and the crazy cycle starts all over again.

I have a good job.

I don't have a fear of work.

What I do fear is wasting the little time I have left on going crazy about something that I'll never end up doing -- wasting my energy on something I KNOW will only entice me for a couple of weeks before something else comes along and seduces me.

And as I get older, these cycles are repeating at a much faster rate.

It's driving me nuts.

And I'm not sure there is a simple solution.