Neighbors, everybody needs good neighbors

Having good neighbors is not a right guaranteed by the constitution. You move into a new neighborhood, you take your chances. Either that or you’ve lived in the same house for 50 years and the new neighbors — the ones who moved into old man Bartholomew’s house three years ago — are now starting to look a little bit odd. Of course, once you’ve reached a certain age, everybody starts to look a little odd. It’s all part of the aging process.

My wife and I got lucky. We have good neighbors. How good? They are so good, they’ll laugh at the rest of this story because they’ll know it’s completely made up. Fiction. A 100-percent fairy tale. But just in case, let me repeat myself: this story depicts a situation that would never actually happen in the real world. Not to good neighbors.

It all started in 2014. “Lloyd” was looking over the fence at my property, shaking his head. I admit I’ll never win a yard of the month prize, but at least no washing machines or bathtubs are growing out of the weeds. Lloyd keeps his yard spick and span. I allow mine to express its own personality.

One morning, to my surprise, Lloyd moved our shared fence line five feet closer to my house. He mowed the area, raked it, mulched it, planted some hedges, and looked much happier for doing so. Were the other neighbors stunned by Lloyd’s brazenness? Of course they were. Did they condemn him in all manners short of violence? Certainly. Was I able to get my property back? Not one inch.

That was 11 years ago. There has been no way for me to fight back. (Remember, this is all made up). He has tractors and leaf blowers and welding torches at his disposal. I have a broken hoe and battery-operated lawn mower somewhere. Three years ago, Lloyd struck again.

I had noticed he had been staging his rakes and tillers and riding lawnmowers and leaf blowers on the property line for weeks, but I had no idea what for.

It happened on a Saturday. The day is etched in my imagination. Lloyd moved the fence again, this time right up to the south side of my house. He had been eyeing my pert near perfect soil with aspirations of expanding his garden. He likes to garden. But I never thought he’d stoop so low as to initiate a full out invasion. 

“Lenny” stepped in to help. Lenny’s my other neighbor. He has as much “fighting” yard appliances as Lloyd. Together, over the next two years, we pushed back on Lloyd’s fence, sometimes gaining ground, sometimes losing. It was a hard-fought battle. Hard fought right up until the day Lenny moved away and “Lonnie” moved in.

Lonnie said he’d help, but only if I gave him all the pecans out of every pecan tree on my property for the next ten years. Not only that, but he wanted me to publicly thank him in front of all the other neighbors. The worst part? Even if I thanked him and signed away my pecans, he still wouldn’t guarantee I would get my yard back.

So, the struggle continues.

And that’s the end of my story. Whew! I’m glad it was all made up. Thankfully, neighbors would never act that way to each other. Right?

CUE THEME SONG: “Neighbors. Everybody needs good neighbors. With a little understanding, you can find the perfect blend. Neighbors. Should be there for one another. That’s when good neighbors become good friends.” (Taken from the Australian TV series, “Neighbors.” I kid you not.)